dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
