Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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