Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
