Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
