my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize