he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I didn't notice because vodka
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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