Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
