like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize