I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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