Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
