Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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