omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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