we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
