he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
a search helicopter?!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize