I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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