singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
