I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
