This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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