dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
