My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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