So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
