I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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