I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
