did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
