He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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