She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize
