if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
