he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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