i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
