home. puking in laundry basket.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
