Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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