his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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