woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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