I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
