It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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