i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
