we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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