i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
