Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
