TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
