we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
