Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
God, I missed his penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
