...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
