my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
