i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
