I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
