it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
