I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
