The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
