Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
