this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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