I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
