3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
