I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
