i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
