At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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