Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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