The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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