you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
