Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
