No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
