I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
