bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
