Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
