I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
