To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Someone shit on the floor
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
