He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
