OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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