That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
