I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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