i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
