Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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