I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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