and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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