im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
