Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
