I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
