he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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