just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
