Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
