are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
