I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize