we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
