hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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