Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
