Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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