so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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