I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
