eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize