What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
