I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
