Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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