It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
