Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
