I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
