you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
