He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
