We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
