absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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