I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
