Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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