That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
